I Miss You
by etch082200
Summary: During the summer of 1995, Remus returns to 12 Grimmauld Place after days away on a mission for the order. Sirius waits up for him, feeling isolated and frustrated in his childhood home.


The house was finally quiet. 12 Grimmauld Place was big but it was so full of people, so full of noise, that it seemed almost impossible to escape. Especially for Sirius, who was not even allowed the luxury to leave his childhood home. He sat in his old bedroom, peering out through the blinds at the world that was forbidden to him. He understood why he couldn't leave, he wasn't stupid. But that didn't make it any easier. Maybe just around the corner, he had tried to wager with Dumbledore, as Padfoot, of course. But it had been a futile effort.

He pulled a cigarette out of the pack in his shirt pocket and lit it with an old Muggle lighter. Sirius's parents always hated any Muggle paraphernalia he brought home with him for the summers. He smiled for a moment, thinking about what his mother would say now if she saw him: thirty-five years old and still bringing that trash into their house. It didn't matter if both of his parents were long dead, Sirius still felt a small flash of happiness every time he caught a glimpse of Muggle things in the house. Oh, how she would have felt had she known that "blood traitor" Weasley family was staying in her temple of blood purity.

Sirius moved away from the window and sat down on the old arm chair in the corner. It was late, almost two hours past midnight, the only time really the house was ever this quiet. All the kids were asleep, Molly and Arthur as well, and Remus had been out doing something for the Order. He'd left three days ago, maybe four? The days sort of melded together for Sirius, especially when Remus wasn't there. He tried to keep himself focused, distracted, really what was the difference. Having Harry there helped, made it more like things hadn't changed. But they had. Harry wasn't James, as much as Sirius sometimes liked to pretend. And as much as he didn't like to admit it, he really didn't know Harry, not like he should have. He had only come back into his life just over a year ago and Sirius tried to be an uncle to him, he was the only real family Harry had, but it didn't change the fact that he had been absent for so much of Harry's young life.

Footsteps thudded lightly up the staircase, careful not to wake the sleeping house. The door opened softly and slowly, Remus stepped through the threshold, glancing first at the empty bed and then to the armchair in which Sirius was sitting. He smiled softly at Sirius, stepping out of his shoes and placing them neatly by the door.

"I didn't expect you to be up so late. What time is it, by the way?"

"Nearly 2. Tired?"

Remus shook his head, though his face betrayed him: dark circles veiled his bloodshot eyes, these missions were hard on him. He sat down on the edge of the bed facing Sirius, quiet but a small smile in his sunken eyes. Sirius slid lower in the chair, stretching his feet out to touch the other man's. He pulled the pack of cigarettes pack out of his pocket, tilting it towards Remus.

"Thought we kicked that habit years ago," Remus said, eying the box presented to him, hesitating.

Sirius shrugged, his own cigarette hanging out of his mouth. "It burns, y'know, in your chest? I need something that burns, something that...makes me feel." He shook his legs back and forth slowly, tapping his boots against Remus's socked feet.

Remus sighs and reaches forward, grabbing a cigarette, leaning in for Sirius to light it.

"I see you're falling on my influence again, " Sirius said quietly, their faces close as the flame spurts out of the lighter.

"Don't fault me for it, it's not without a fight." Remus rested his elbows on his knees, taking a slow and hungry drag off the cigarette. "I've got a few days free before I've got to head back out again. Dumbledore has me going south to check out a threat." He didn't go into detail, he'd save that for the meetings.

Sirius nodded, mirroring Remus's pose. "That's good," he said softly. He put his hand Remus's knee, stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray beside him. "I miss you."

Remus raises from the bed, grabbing Sirius by the wrists and pulling him up with him. "It'll get better," he reassures, brushing Sirius's long, grey-streaked hair behind his ears. He wraps his arms around Sirius's waist, the other man resting his chin on his shoulder.

"I know," Sirius replied after a moment. The two men stood embracing each other in the silence for a while, neither wanting to let go. Sirius pushed his nose into his partner's neck. He was happy for Remus, working for the order, financially stable for really the first time in his adult life. But he was lonely without him, especially when he had nothing to occupy his own time.

"Let's go to bed," Remus whispered. "Things will be better tomorrow. It's late, it's been a long day."

Sirius nodded, slowly separating himself from Remus and sliding out of his day clothes and into some sweatpants and a shirt he found crumpled up on the floor. He kicked the clothes he was previously in under the bed.

"I've never seen a grown man act so much like a teenager," Remus said with a laugh, carefully folding his pants and placing his shirt in the hamper.

"I'm just making up for lost time. Hate to think that you missed out on picking up my shit all those years I was away." Sirius smiled at Remus as he crawled into bed, really smiled. Moments like this made Sirius the happiest, moments where he could act like everything was fine, everything was normal. This moments were becoming few and far between.

Remus sat down in the bed, falling back with a groan. Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Alright?"

"Yes." Remus brought his hands to his face, rubbing his temples. "I'm just tired," he admitted, " sore-"

"You're getting old," Sirius interrupted, grin on his face. He laughs as Remus swats at him, smacking him in the chest.

"Oh fuck off, you're older than I am." Remus's tone was harsh, trying to come off stern but holding back a smile.

"Couple of months don't count, love." Sirius propped himself up on his elbow, turning to look at Remus. He rubbed his thumb against his partner's greying sideburns, content in the moment. "I missed you," he repeated.

"You told me," Remus murmured, taking Sirius hand in both of his own, scooting closer to him in the bed. "I missed you."

Sirius leaned over to kiss Remus, the first time in days, briefly, before reaching to turn off the lamp on the bedside table. Remus's arms wrapped around Sirius before he could turn back, pressing his body against his back, his cock already hard, firm against Sirius's bum.

"Fucking christ, Moons, all I did kiss you, kiss you like I would my fucking mum." Sirius smiled, pressing himself into Remus. He received no answer other than a soft bite on the soft skin of his neck. Sirius exhaled sharply as he felt Remus slip his arm lower, palming at Sirius's own quickly stiffening crotch. Sirius thrust back hard and quick in return to the heat growing in his stomach.

"D'you charm the door?" Remus mumbled horsley, almost growling.

Sirius turned over to meet his love's gaze, barking a laugh. "Ahead of you, love, did that hours ago. I know how you are." It's not like the two were having sex every night: it had been a long time since they were those hormone-crazed sixteen year-olds, blowing each other hurriedly in the broom closet. But they still felt drawn to together, almost like a magnet was pulling them together. It didn't hurt, Sirius thought, that they both still looked pretty damn good for nearly forty.

Remus's mouth met Sirius's with force, prying his lips open with his tongue and forcing his way in. Sirius smiled into the kiss, wrapping his leg around Remus's waist. The two groaned with pleasure as they ground their hips together, their erections rubbing against one another. Remus separated himself from Sirius, moving to straddle the man and quickly pull his shirt off over his head. He dropped himself back onto Sirius's body, alternating between kissing and lapping against tattooed abdomen.

"Clothes...off," Sirius moaned, his voice heavy with want. Remus nodded, letting Sirius tear the shirt from his head as he moved his mouth lower, pulling Sirius's pants down as he went. His tongue circled his black haired companion's navel then tracing the thin line of hair to his cock, now fully erect. Hands grasping firmly on Sirius's thighs, Remus took the entirety of the shaft into his mouth with one quick motion, swirling his tongue around the head after coming back up.

"Gerrup 'ere," gasped Sirius. He panted heavily, his hands tangled in his partner's mess of curly hair.

"Hmm?" Remus took his mouth off of Sirius's prick and instead pumped it with his hand slowly, almost lazily. "I can't understand you when you mumble."

"Yeah, well I can't understand you with my cock in your mouth. Come back up here, and take your bloody pants off."

Remus chuckled, slithering out of his remaining clothes, and fell into the bed next to Sirius, who climbed onto him in turn. Now it was Sirius who let his mouth explore his partner, grazing his teeth lightly against old scars. He worked his way up instead of down and pounded his own cock, wet with saliva, against Remus's while biting and sucking at the wounded skin on his partner's neck. Sirius relished in the deep, hoarse moans leaking out of the brown haired man's throat and the firm hands scratching at his own lean back.

A light switched on in the hallway, lazy footsteps shuffling across the floor. Remus froze under Sirius and pushed him lightly to the side.

"Don't trust that I charmed the door right?" Sirius grinned at his boyfriend's tense embarrassment and rolled him so that the two faced the same direction, Sirius behind, and slid his aching prick between Remus's thighs and reached around to grab the other man's crotch, still erect despite his new fear. "We used to fuck in the same bloody room as James and Peter and now you're worried about someone on the other side of the locked and soundproof door." Sirius kissed Remus lightly on his tense and heaving back.

"I wouldn't be able to look them in the eyes. Think about seeing one of your professors shagging." Remus's voice was quiet and firm but he pressed his thighs together with force, thrusting slowly.

"Former professor. And I have." He shrugged when Remus jerked his neck back to look at him incredulously. "Now don't look at me like that, like you wouldn't have fucked Dumbledore if he were forty years younger."

Remus laughed softly, the footsteps returned to their respective bedroom and the light now out. "I'm not nearly as desperate as you, love." He slipped his hand between his thighs to find his partner's seeping cock and stroked it firmly, making Sirius moan throatily.

"Alright, point made." Sirius pulled Remus on top of him again, brushing his hair back with one hand while using the other to trace the scars on his back, edging lower and lower before clenching onto his arse. He planned to move slower, to draw out the moment and savor it, but Remus was panting in his ear, running his long fingers through his hair, down his body. Sirius found the tight ring of muscle, hot under his touch, and plunged a finger in quickly, too quickly. Remus gasped through gritted teeth, a low broken grunt punctuating the otherwise silent room.

"Alright?" Sirius pushed in farther, not waiting for a reply, stroking the hair on the head that had collapsed into his chest. Remus nodded, grabbing their two cocks and stroking them in tandem, his head still resting on his partner's chest. Sirius grasped at the bedsheets and croaked out to Remus.

"Wand. S'on the table."

Remus threw his hand out blindly, groping for the wand and caught it just before he knocked it onto the floor. Sirius pulled out his finger and caught the warm liquid that slid out the tip of the wand after Remus silently murmured a spell. He returned to his partner's tight band of muscle, sliding his finger in with ease, quickly adding a second, He pounded into the man, in time with the swift pulls at their cocks, both dripping with precum.

"Ride me, quickly." Sirius spoke in barely a whisper, pulling out his fingers and steadying his arousal. Remus rose from Sirius's chest and sat upright. He lowered slowly, head spinning as Sirius's length filled him. Both men stayed still for a few moments, each waiting for the other to take the lead.

"Am I doing the work then?" Remus brushed a strand of hair away from his partner's damp face.

Sirius smirked slyly, grabbing the hand from his face and holding it in both hands. "I'll help. A little." He kissed Remus's palm then pulled his thumb into his mouth with his slick tongue, biting down with his sharp canines.

Remus tilted his head back slightly, exhaling with a low whimper as he rose up on his knees and lowered down again quickly. Sirius rose his hips, unable to get enough, bucking under the pleasure as his cock rammed into the warm cavern of his partner. He gripped Remus's cock firmly with a shaky hand, pumping it in time with the thrusts, then quicker, encouraging Remus to go faster, harder, please. He needed this escape, the both did. They tried to make sex last and to revel in it but they had such a deep hunger for each other.

Remus gave a slight smile, biting into his lower lip. He kept his pace steady, crashing into Sirius with slow and even thrusts. The room was dark and the two could hardly see each other, but Remus felt a tight grip latch onto his thigh, nails digging in.

"I said _quickly,_ Moons." His voice was airey and impatient, almost a whine. Sirius moved his hand up to the slippery head of Remus's prick, pressing into it gently but firm enough to get a rise out. Remus scraped his nails down Sirius's chest, moaning louder now, the sigh almost thick enough to set Sirius over the edge. Finally giving in, Remus separated himself entirely from Sirius before crashing back on to his erection hard and fast. Sirius thrust his hips in time, returning to pump Remus's cock quickly and firmly. He felt himself ram into the wall of Remus's prostate, sending the man on top crumbling forward. He slammed into a second time and then a third, savoring in the throbbing warmth surrounding him, tightening with every thrust.

Remus let out an uncharacteristically high moan and Sirius felt the hot cum splash onto his first and stomach. Remus collapsed onto his partner as Sirius thrust one more time, just one more time before climaxing himself. They laid on top of one another, chests heaving and gasping for breath, hands finding each other again as fingers wrapped around fingers. Remus slowly rolled off his partner slowly and onto his back.

"You're so fucking sweaty," Sirius said, still panting for breath softly. "Must be 'cause you're so old.

Remus scoffed a laugh while searching for the wand that had rolled under the bed. "Hand me my clothes, Pads?" He sat back up on the bed and uttered a cleaning charm, wiping them both free of cum and sweat.

"Rather not," Sirius murmured, pulling his boyfriend back down and resting his head on his chest. "Door's still locked and charmed. You can spare one night without that ragged pair of shorts, yeah?"

"Guess so. Not like you're giving me any option." Remus pulled the rumpled blankets back up around the two of them and wrapped his arm around Sirius, nearly asleep already.

"There's a good lad." Sirius's voice was nothing more than a whisper in his partner's ear. The two men, enveloped in the peaceful silence and the warmth of each others' arms, drifted to sleep.


End file.
